


Part of loving you is letting you go

by Junbob_131



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, My First AO3 Post
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:48:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28768827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junbob_131/pseuds/Junbob_131
Summary: Jiwon tried his everything to keep them together but it was getting more difficult so he decided to let go of everything, of Hanbin.
Relationships: Goo Junhoe/Kim Jiwon | Bobby, Kim Hanbin | B.I/Kim Jinhwan, Kim Hanbin | B.I/Kim Jiwon | Bobby
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16
Collections: Dive into the deep night





	1. Goodbye road

**Author's Note:**

> This was a fic I wrote in Wattpad and was inspired by "Goodbye road by iKON" but I also wanted to share it here as I start my works here too. Hope u enjoy^_^

It was a beautiful morning, birds chirping ever so sweetly while the wind blew softly against his face. Jiwon was walking towards his work place, bopping and humming quietly to a song he just found. He was in a good mood as today Junhoe was coming over his house because....just because he can.

He grinned slightly thinking about it but it didn't last long when he saw a certain someone walking towards him from the opposite way. His speed slowed down a little as he faked a smile, nodding to the other's greeting. And as soon as it happened, his pace fastened and then he was speed walking mumbling a quiet 'sorry, I am in a hurry' to the other. 

It happened everyday, every time he met the other he just couldn't bring himself to talk to him because he was angry, angry at himself, his behaviors, he still couldn't forgive himself and the guilt was probably eating him up day by day. Everytime from outside Jiwon seemed like a happy-go-lucky guy but he never showed how weak, guilty and alone he was.

~~~

After returning home, he took a quick shower and when he came out, a sudden strong thunder startled him as he quickly looked out of the window. Sighing he pulled his hoodie over his head. Yes, he really loved rain but not the rain which said storms and thunder. 

"I don't think he can come over at this time" he sighed and walked over the window and sat beside it, looking at the rain which was hitting the windows now. Actually he was scared, because it only brought bad memories. Memories where he lost someone very precious to him, memories which he kinda regrets now but what can he do? He can't go back and fix it all. All he can do is sit down and let all those regrets eat him until it becomes too much. 

He watched the window as the rains dropped down slowly in it just like a tear which dropped down his eyes. His eyes became heavy and blurry to him and then he was slowly letting it shut down while sobbing quietly.

~~~  
It's been over 3 yrs that Jiwon and Hanbin were dating. At first it was beautiful, sweet and full of love but now.....what was left? All those fights and lonely nights....?

Even Jiwon didn't knew when it all started happening. From when had those loving warm eyes turned to red bloodshot angry eyes? From when those mouth which gave sweet cheesy words turned to the mouth that only spilt prickly harsh words? 'What went wrong? Why was all this happening?' Jiwon thought to himself, 'No! I have to make a decision!' and as he was in his deep thoughts he heard a loud bang in the door. He sighed deeply as he knew what was coming ahead. He walked towards the door and opened it, revealing a slightly drunk and messy Hanbin. He didn't knew the reason why Hanbin was such a mess because he never told him and when the elder tried to ask him he always have stupid reasons like 'i need sometime', God! Jiwon couldn't take it anymore.

"Where were you?" Jiwon asked sternly although he knew, as Hanbin made his way inside.

"At the bar" he replied without looking at the now concerned Jiwon.

"What happened? Did you got into a fight again?"

"It nothing, just there was a shithead-"

"Hanbin, I am pretty sure that I have told you like a thousand times.... don't go on fighting with random guys. It can hurt you seriously" Jiwon said as he walked towards Hanbin (who was sitting on the sofa) with a first aid kid.

"But it's not serious-...ow" he winced a little when Jiwon applied the cream in his wound.

"Yeah...I can see that. Why can't you just stop fighting?" Jiwon asked or more likely grumbled angrily.

Hanbin just shrugged it off, fully uninterested.

"Yah! I m talking to you! Can't you reply? I m concerned about you.." Jiwon was now getting heated.

"No, not today Jiwon. Honestly, I m sick of your everyday speech. I m really tired and now I just want to go and rest" Hanbin said in an annoying tone and getting up to leave.

"Wait!" Jiwon grabbed his wrist and stopped him. "You are not going anywhere, Kim Hanbin, today we have to talk this out, about why are you being such a jerk?"

Here comes again those fights....

Hanbin turned around with those same red eyes "Oh...so I m being a jerk now? You are the one who is always pushing me to the edge to start a fight! You are the one always poking your nose in my matters when I clearly told you that I. Need. Time. Damn it!!" , he said while was pointing at the elder.

Jiwon furrowed his eyes, clearly hurt because he never wanted to push him, he only wanted to help him with his worries and problems... like how a couple does. Was it a crime to think like that? 

"I never wanted to hurt you by wanting to know what is going with you. I know you need time but I can't just sit and see you hurting like this. I want to help-" 

"Oh!ok, now now...don't make me seem like the bad one. I have said you already that I don't want to talk about it-"

"Don't want to? Hanbin, we are literally dating for what.... more than 3 years. I barely know much about you. Do you not have any trust in me!? Am I not enough!?"

Right then, Hanbin snapped "Yeah! I don't have trust in you!! Do you get it!? I don't have the faith that you can help me, Kim Jiwon. So now please leave me alone" He said as he furiously walked towards his room.

His words were like a hard slap to Jiwon though he was able to snap out of it and walk towards Hanbin but it was late as the other shut the door close.

They had many fights in the past but never to the point of Hanbin saying he had no trust in him and shutting the door in his face. He silently walked towards his room and sobbed quietly, tired of all the mess. Of course, Hanbin had insecurities and so does Jiwon. Why was he the one always getting hurt in the end? Why? He felt like the castle of trust he had built up, slowly crushing with just those words. Taking a deep breath and releasing it, he quickly realized he was sighing, knowing that he have to end this before it becomes too much. That lonely stormy night, Jiwon cried to his heart content as he made his decision of letting go of everything.

The next morning Hanbin woke up with a small headache and he walked towards the kitchen completely forgetting about yesterday before he stopped as he saw the elder sitting on the sofa with his suitcase beside him and it all came back to his senses.

"Hyung?" He called out.

Jiwon quickly looked at him and then sighed as he signaled him to sit in front of him. As soon as Hanbin sat, he said an almost inaudible 'I m sorry' and Hanbin blinked at him. "I m sorry, hanbin. I promised you to stay with you even in our hard times but I can't anymore. I don't to do this but I can't figure out how to hold on? I just don't know what to do? I m afraid it will hurt more in the end if I don't do this..."

Hanbin widened his eyes, but still he couldn't say anything and he looked down at the floor.

Jiwon continued "the memories we had will always be with me but the love we shared has long ago left us, Hanbin. We are holding on only because of attachment and infatuation. I hope..-" hanbin cut him off, when he moved forward and engulfed the elder in a hug...a last hug.

"Sorry, I know...all along I knew that someday you will leave me and I was just too scared and insecure. If you left me then I wouldn't have anyone to lean on and take care of me. But yeah....now's the right time I guess, it's alright you know, I will try my best to work on it... without you" Hanbin's word were wobbly and hushed that made Jiwon to instantly wrap his arm around the other.

"Take care and look after yourself. I m sorry I couldn't do anything for-"

"Hyung! Don't say that, You have done enough for me, even more than I deserve. Please don't blame yourself. I know you have tried your best to keep this relationship stable but guess we are just not meant to be. Please... be happy and forget about me."

"No! I can never forget about you... you are the best thing that has happened to me, you showed me the meaning of love. I was able to laugh and feel happiness and that was because of you. You are someone very special and precious to me and will always be. Thank you for everything, I love you" Jiwon kissed Hanbin's forehead and rubbed Hanbin's back soothingly. Hanbin chocked down his tears because he didn't want to cry and make Jiwon feel more bad.

"Thank you, I love you too" was all hanbin could utter before letting go of Jiwon's warmth and feeling empty again.

Jiwon stood up grabbing his suitcase again, trying to hold back the tears that were screaming to come out. And walking towards the door saying a quiet farewell to the other while the other smiled at him. He knew very well that a part of loving Hanbin, was to let him go and be free. Let Hanbin stand up on his own because he doesn't need Jiwon anymore. He has to find someone who can help him get up and whom he can lean on.

"I wish you to walk down the Flowery Road forever"


	2. Holding on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiwon, he tried to move on but the guilt was not letting him see he was not alone because someone was seeking out for him and silently helping him get up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by "Holding on by iKON"

After their break up, it was all well and ok for both of them, Jiwon was trying to move on and keep updates about hanbin, until one day he heard from one of his friend that Hanbin was facing a really difficult time because his father who was ill had suddenly passed away and now all the burden was on Hanbin. He left university and started working somewhere far for his family. Hanbin had always wanted to become a great rapper but now it was all taken away from him. Why didn't he knew anything about it? 

Jiwon just couldn't take it. If only he had not broken up with him, now he would have been able to help the other, because only Jiwon knew how much music, friends and family meant to Hanbin. And no! He was not stuck in his feelings for the younger but he still loved him because once he was his closest dongsaeng and seeing him suffer alone when he could have stayed beside him (and take even a little bit of his burden), only added up to the regrets Jiwon was having. 

Now I added more burden on him, he thought.

Since that moment Jiwon completely shut him off from everyone. He didn't want to hurt anyone anymore. He didn't want himself to be happy anymore though Hanbin had said it (more that once) he was okay now, and tried to convince the elder, he still couldn't recover. He couldn't even bring himself to look at Hanbin in the eyes because he had been selfish and hurt someone who was already suffering. How can I do this? I m just a burden to everyone around me, was what he thought everyday.

And at that time, he met Junhoe, whom he tried to posh away too. Tried to do everything show his bad sides, shut him down and see him leaving like everyone did. People tried to help but they got tired and left after 3-4 weeks. It wasn't the case, this time cause Junhoe stayed the longest and proved that he can help him out and save Jiwon .Only Junhoee was able to bring him out of his shell, help him regain his happiness even if it was a not enough, tell him that he was not at fault. Though till now, Jiwon was never bring himself to talk to Hanbin again because he still blamed himself for everything. He was always holding on to those regrets.

~~~

"Heyy, hyung" a soft voice rang in Jiwon's ear as he grumbled something under his breath and looked up. Junhoe was grinning affectionately at him.

"Junhoe yaa~ I thought you wouldn't come because of the weather" Jiwon said lazily stretching out and rubbing his eyes.

Junhoe smiled at the sight of his hyung being too adorable right now. "That's the reason I came, hyung. I know you are afraid of storm so I can't leave you alone" he said matter-of-factly.

"Oi, I m a man. I'm not scared of storm ok? It's just...just that I hate it" Jiwon grimaced.

"Oh...I see"

"No dear, you don't see it, you understand it"

"Oh...I understand"

Jiwon giggled at junhoe. Today Junhoe was becoming too sweet. Why? He didn't give it much thought as he stood and suggested the younger about watching movies whole night and he saw the bright shine in his eyes while nodding vigorously.

OMG! He is too cute, I love him- wait! What!!!?? I love him? Nonono- I don't...well I love him because he is cute and all yeah that's it and.... I know, he has been trying to ask me out for a while and I always reject him but God nooooo-....I don't love him... but like when?how? No, nooo I shouldn't why? I shouldn't feel this...no I can't... I'll just hurt him-

"Hyung?" Junhoe called out again softly, a tint of worry in his eyes as he asked "are you okay? You look pale".  
He gently stroked Jiwon's cheek with his fingers. 

A shiver ran down Jiwon's back, his face was probably bright red by now as he shuttered replying "I-I...no I m fine. Its...it's nothing, really". He quietly mumbled the last words looking down because he couldn't look at Junhoe's eyes, those eyes that screamed love, warmth and hope. He didn't deserved it. 

Junhoe slowly raised the elder's face by his chin. "Are you still thinking about him?"

Of course, he knows. He will know because he know Jiwon the best.

Jiwon looked up, his eyes widened and he couldn't utter a word. Because he could see the eyes that held love was now turned into hurt, or something.... akin to pain? He couldn't get that but he didn't know what to answer.

A sigh escaped Junhoe's mouth and now Jiwon was feeling even more afraid. Was Junhoe fed up with him? Was he tired? Would he leave him? Well that was good. He wants the younger to be happy and find someone who was far better than him but no... instead Junhoe sat down beside him holding Jiwon's slightly shaking hands and he pressed soft kisses on the elder's knuckles. Jiwon didn't pulled back, because it was normal for him, for them. He slowly calmed down.

"Hyung, do you believe me?" Junhoe asked again staring straight in his soul.

Jiwon gulped and slowly nodded again.

"Good...then please believe me when I say that it's alright, ok? 'time heals all wounds' and I know what you did in the past still have a great impact on you. But you didn't do that knowing that he would be hurt, right? Then... please don't blame yourself. When you are pushing others off... pushing me, you are only being an enemy to your own happiness. I don't want to see you hurt, you don't deserve this and I want to give you all the happiness and love in these world you deserve. Please hyung, I beg you please...let me," 

Jiwon was now completely utterly shocked because yeah he knew...Junhoe loved him but never knew that he loved him to the point of begging him and giving a long-ass monologue ( which he never did even). Junhoe had pride and he always prioritized it, he never begged others not even at that one time when Junhoe was seriously sick but didn't ask for help though he lived alone. He never realised how much Junhoe loved him, just how much he meant to Junhoe? Today he was feeling too much loved, his poor heart couldn't take it.

It seemed like he was too lost in his thought as he snapped out when Junhoe's head fell in his shoulder and he nearly squeaked. 

"Why....are you not answering? Please say something, you-....you can reject me you know, it's alright. I can understand," Junhoe's voice was weak and shaky, and it broke Jiwon's heart into pieces. Being rejected in a daily basis, Jiwon saw the small hurt in him evertime but Junhoe never showed it never pushed nor left him 

"No..." Jiwon said as Junhoe perked up instantly, a shimmer of hope in his eyes was making Jiwon, think again that his upcoming words might disappoint the younger "I mean that I won't reject you straight away but.....think? Yeah think, I m a bit confused right now so will you give me time to get through this?"

Junhoe smiled brightly as he nodded because giving him time is far great then being rejected. Jiwon sighed in relief. He was so happy seeing Junhoe smile so brightly that he didn't even notice Junhoe was coming forward. Jiwon's breath hitched as Junhoe continued to inch closer towards the elder and Jiwon thought he was going to kiss him. No he didn't want to be kissed not when he was still confused about his own feelings. But he didn't want to reject him too.

He shut his eyes tightly waiting for it to happen but instead of getting kissed he felt warm lips pressed against his forehead as gently as the world could offer. He couldn't process anything, it was like the kiss was something to assure him that everything was okay, he was okay, he doesn't need to worry about a single thing. And the way Junhoe was looking at him with those heart eyes, was as if he was looking at something very very precious. Junhoe really did cherish him.

The next day~

Jiwon and Junhoe both were walking towards their workplace as they worked for the same company. Jiwon' boday stifled when he again saw that 'certain someone' with a unfamiliar person walking ,the opposite direction. It was Hanbin. He was smiling while listening to the other person. And Jiwon had never saw him smile like that. It was so bright, beautiful and natural and it hit him. He was just being stupid, he realised Hanbin has already let go of everything and moved on so it was his time to let go,to be...free and to forgive himself. To love again and cherish someone again. To love Junhoe. 

He got afraid to take a step further, but he felt a warm hand gently grabbing his, interlacing their fingers together and Jiwon had never in his felt more secure than he felt right now. He smiled at Junhoe and slowly walked forward towards Hanbin and someone?

Hanbin was surprised at first but when he saw their hands, he smiled softly and waved at them. And as second nature, Jiwon beamed and waved back happily.

"Hey!" Jiwon greeted.

"Hey, you look very happy today. I m actually glad to see you this way, hyung....." Hanbin said and turned to Junhoe continuing "thank you" with his voice filled with gratitude and appreciation.

Junhoe smiled at him and mumbled "I didn't do anything".

"Is he..your uhh? Your boyfriend?" Jiwon asked and he grinned triumphantly when he saw that shy smile spread on the other.

"Y-yeah...he is umm... Jinhwan, my boyfriend. And hyung he is Jiwon" Hanbin introduced.

"Oh Jiwon! I have heard a lot about you. Nice to meet you," Jinhwan said and Jiwon couldn't process his words as the older pointed at Junhoe and continued "and...? Is he your.... boyfriend?"

Jiwon grinned at him and shook his head "Nope, but soon-to-be boyfriend" he said winking at the other.

Junhoe was cut off guard and he blushed a little while bitting his lips, trying to hard to stop smiling.

They chatted for a while and in those moments, Jiwon saw how Hanbin had changed a lot and he just felt maybe... maybe they were not meant to be and maybe Hanbin needed someone more mature one like Jinhwan instead of a goofy kid like him and that maybe Jiwon needed someone like Junhoe who would always cherish him, and look after him whispering soft little nothings to him whenever he felt down.

It was all coming to place. It turns out that there wasn't much to holding onto regrets, he finally understood what Junhoe meant when he said, "time heals all wounds". They needed to walk their own ways and so they did saying their goodbyes to eachother and walked away.

Jiwon looked at junhoe and grinned at him, and the younger looked like a confused puppy. He was so adorable that Jiwon couldn't help it but lean forward, slightly peck Junhoe at his lips and runaway giggling form a completely flushed Junhoe who was running after him. 

"Yah! Hyung~!"

Yes, Jiwon loved Hanbin. But his love for Junhoe was different something akin to dearest, fondness, warmth, treasure,cherish, adore...and so on and he definately knew that he will love him even more day by day and never regret it. Because he deserved it.


End file.
